Call me old fashioned, but at one time back in the dark ages when I said "No (sometimes followed by a) Thanks" to someone, I got a smile and a 'not a problem'. No muss, no fuss, and life went on as normal happy campers.
Those days, sadly, appear to be long gone. Now we are met with harrassment, begging, obnoxious behaviour, etc., to the point of drama, then blocking and running away screaming. WTF?
I see it on a constant basis, in every day life as well as here online, MOST especially when meeting people, cause hey....why else are we on here?? We all know and realize that once we power up our computers, sometimes the little brains overshadow the bigger brains, and we forget what is referred to as manners (google it, might be an eye opener).
In our community (and not just the local one), saying "no" is a huge issue aparrently. A bad word to some. Appearing rude to others. Huh?
Why is that I wonder? Is it a female thing? Society thing, cause if it is..society sucks donkey balls and I want no part of it! Afraid to hurt someone's feelings? I'm not sure what excuses people use, but holy hell, it's gotten out of hand.
Let me tell you why. When someone messages us here with a proposition of any kind, says whatever, and you get grossed out, fearful, angry, do you say everything BUT "no thanks"?
By everything, I mean:
Not right now
Not tonight
How about later
I need some time to think about it
I don't do anything with strangers
I don't do the online thing
Those 'everything' are what as referred to as open-ended statements. dons teacher glasses...An open-ended statement is one that can have more than one answer or interpretation...and removes glasses Just so you get a bit of education in case you obviously slept through that part in school, and well, I can't see that well out of the teacher glasses lately...they got too many finger prints on em.
You are hesitant obviuosly for various reasons, so you don't want to give an outright no to the person. I get that somewhat. Actually I don't. However...you are setting yourself up for disaster aka drama.
Why? Here's why....
Not right now - this means not right at this second, but since you didn't say no, I'll ask again in 5 minutes, three days, via text, phone, stalk you on your pictures, until you tell me yes.
Not tonight - this means okay..tomorrow then! Yaa, you will say yes then.
How about later - since later isn't defined clearly, you have given them liberty to ask you at 3 am, then at 4 am...cause they are insomniacs and hey, what else is there to do?? It IS later for them! And you'll say yes!
I need some time to think about it - well hey...let me know what you are thinking and I'll give you a shitload of reasons why you HAVE to say YES....cause I've had a very long time to think of every reason why I'm great and fantastical and will hound you with them until you agree with me. I know you will say yes then.
I don't do anything with strangers - but if we meet, we won't be strangers now would we. How can you not say yes to someone you now will know?
I don't do the online thing - great....so when do I meet you? You'll say yes then if we meet!
And that's when the trouble starts.
Cause if you open a door (aka open-ended statement), someone will always jump through it, even if it's just a screen door. It's not pretty at times either.
People, saying NO is NOT rude. In fact, it's rather polite in that it gives a person a clear indication that you are not buying what they are selling and you don't 'lead them on' with the open-ended statements, thus causing the friction later when you freak out at them and finally tell them to go pound sand, ANNND proclaim to the world that this person is on the Official Douchebag List. Fucking drama. bleh
No where does it state as a requirement that you have to provide a valid reason to back up NO. NO IS ENOUGH REASON AND EXCUSE. If they ask for a reason, tell them no. Taadaaa, there's your reason. It's their problem to deal with the dead cat syndrome, not yours.
So please, for your own sanity, stop using all those open ended statements when you REALLY mean no, unless you really mean to lead them on and tease them. Then totally ignore everything I just said...and I'll gag my feed for the next few days to wait for the shitstorm to be over.
JUST SAY NO DAMMIT!
T-shirts should be in stores as soon as I can find the neon paints.
Those days, sadly, appear to be long gone. Now we are met with harrassment, begging, obnoxious behaviour, etc., to the point of drama, then blocking and running away screaming. WTF?
I see it on a constant basis, in every day life as well as here online, MOST especially when meeting people, cause hey....why else are we on here?? We all know and realize that once we power up our computers, sometimes the little brains overshadow the bigger brains, and we forget what is referred to as manners (google it, might be an eye opener).
In our community (and not just the local one), saying "no" is a huge issue aparrently. A bad word to some. Appearing rude to others. Huh?
Why is that I wonder? Is it a female thing? Society thing, cause if it is..society sucks donkey balls and I want no part of it! Afraid to hurt someone's feelings? I'm not sure what excuses people use, but holy hell, it's gotten out of hand.
Let me tell you why. When someone messages us here with a proposition of any kind, says whatever, and you get grossed out, fearful, angry, do you say everything BUT "no thanks"?
By everything, I mean:
Not right now
Not tonight
How about later
I need some time to think about it
I don't do anything with strangers
I don't do the online thing
Those 'everything' are what as referred to as open-ended statements. dons teacher glasses...An open-ended statement is one that can have more than one answer or interpretation...and removes glasses Just so you get a bit of education in case you obviously slept through that part in school, and well, I can't see that well out of the teacher glasses lately...they got too many finger prints on em.
You are hesitant obviuosly for various reasons, so you don't want to give an outright no to the person. I get that somewhat. Actually I don't. However...you are setting yourself up for disaster aka drama.
Why? Here's why....
Not right now - this means not right at this second, but since you didn't say no, I'll ask again in 5 minutes, three days, via text, phone, stalk you on your pictures, until you tell me yes.
Not tonight - this means okay..tomorrow then! Yaa, you will say yes then.
How about later - since later isn't defined clearly, you have given them liberty to ask you at 3 am, then at 4 am...cause they are insomniacs and hey, what else is there to do?? It IS later for them! And you'll say yes!
I need some time to think about it - well hey...let me know what you are thinking and I'll give you a shitload of reasons why you HAVE to say YES....cause I've had a very long time to think of every reason why I'm great and fantastical and will hound you with them until you agree with me. I know you will say yes then.
I don't do anything with strangers - but if we meet, we won't be strangers now would we. How can you not say yes to someone you now will know?
I don't do the online thing - great....so when do I meet you? You'll say yes then if we meet!
And that's when the trouble starts.
Cause if you open a door (aka open-ended statement), someone will always jump through it, even if it's just a screen door. It's not pretty at times either.
People, saying NO is NOT rude. In fact, it's rather polite in that it gives a person a clear indication that you are not buying what they are selling and you don't 'lead them on' with the open-ended statements, thus causing the friction later when you freak out at them and finally tell them to go pound sand, ANNND proclaim to the world that this person is on the Official Douchebag List. Fucking drama. bleh
No where does it state as a requirement that you have to provide a valid reason to back up NO. NO IS ENOUGH REASON AND EXCUSE. If they ask for a reason, tell them no. Taadaaa, there's your reason. It's their problem to deal with the dead cat syndrome, not yours.
So please, for your own sanity, stop using all those open ended statements when you REALLY mean no, unless you really mean to lead them on and tease them. Then totally ignore everything I just said...and I'll gag my feed for the next few days to wait for the shitstorm to be over.
JUST SAY NO DAMMIT!
T-shirts should be in stores as soon as I can find the neon paints.
(originally published
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