We browse through the fetish list, figure out a label we can stick on our profiles to help others distinguish our role or 'label' in varying degrees. Some take those labels to the grave, while others use them as a guideline to help distinguish what you are focused on. How else will I know if you are a submissive if that initial label isn't there? I've had several conversations with males who did not read my profile and then got all flustered when they realized they didn't have a chance at putting me in restraints and fucking me silly, but, at least that label IS on my profile that I'm not that kind of girl. If they disregarded the warning label that comes with my role, not my problem.
And yes, I will still twitch every time I see some newbie come on the scene with Master or Mistress and they don't have a clue as to what they are doing, let alone write like one in what they are looking for. Personally, they don't have the 'right' to those titles, because they are given with time, definitely with experience, and deserve the title when they have worked for it, but who am I to argue over tradition and arrogance? I did my time, thus Mistress it is. That is what matters only to me.
But, for now, those that have distinguished their initial role or guideline, start seeking out who they desire, and come in contact with someone with potential, communication is going well, and thus a relationship is established. At least the Yin and Yang match up, a top and a bottom. So far, so good.
Fetishes are talked about, roles established based on each of our individual opinions of it (without often times being discussed in detail with the other, which really should) and a relationship is then established, with expectations, desires, needs and wants all on the table for both partners. As a side, if it's all one's desires, needs and wants that are being fulfilled, it isn't a relationship that is a good one to have. Who are we really kidding here?
Oh hell, most times, it's because I'm talking to a pretty face and it appeals to me or someone appears to know what they are doing and I'm just too fed up looking after myself that I want someone to do all the work for me. Sometimes, I'm lonely so I want someone laying next to me to keep my bed warm and get me off.
Sound familiar? I'm betting it does.
This is where the 'lessons' begin. The lessons of patience, honesty, trust as well as communication. Key ingredients to any relationship, kinky or vanilla. If you fail to learn from any of these core elements, the relationship will fail.
I have heard throughout the years, of submissives testing their dominants and vice versa outside of physical play for the moment. For what purpose exactly? To see how far they can push their limits outside the core? Their patience, or how about their trust in you? And not explaining why they are doing it? Saying one thing, but meaning another?
How about how far you can push them away? That sadly is the case in most circumstances.
There are no great awards to be won when we get tested on the basic fundamentals of a relationship. If you are feeling insecure in the relationship, say so. Take the damn time to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. About anything, because you are supposed to trust them, especially some deep dark frustration or need you have. And communicating will let your partner know that you are feeling lonely and need some attention.
There are limits to all of this, brats are those that know this all to well. But good brats also understand that there is a time to turn off the bratty behaviour and talk honestly with their partner. Especially when they have worn out their partner both physically and mentally.
You don't have to act out to anger your Dom, because if you fail at communicating your needs/wants to your partner, there are several things that will happen. Trust will be broken, and mistrust will creep in. Patience will be lost and impatience will set in. It will certainly leave someone confused about you, especially if you aren't communicating properly, and anger and frustration will play a major factor in the relationship.
And angering or frustrating your Dom/me, well, after awhile, if the lack of communication on your part continues, you will soon find out that you are alone in your own bed. We can only give so many warnings before your time is up.
(originally posted June 27, 2013)