First off, BDSM is often times fantasy-based. The strong Dominant sweeps the hapless submissive off her feet and comes to save the day, taking care of her as she serves him unto her dying days. The tall fierce Dominatrix, clad in leather and latex whose mere presence commands everyone to bow at her stilettos in adoration and the sub accepts her punishments willingly, naked too I might add.
Ah, such lovely fantasies, and sometimes they can come close to reality. And hey, I do have lovely stilettos in my collection that can be adored and worshiped. But, what happens when you tell me that you have no limits. That I can do whatever I want to you? That tells me we are in for some long conversations to help you out and not get you killed, and for me to understand you a bit better before we even talk about having a session.
First, what are limits you ask. These are things that you decide you will never do (hard), what you might do or are curious about (soft) and things you cannot live without (your actual fetish/what gets you off every time).
Such things like killing someone for me, or cutting off your own arm because I say so. If you would never do that....those are hard limits. Well, of course they are, they are not only illegal and a risk of your own health, you have to be really stupid to commit them.
Right, but these are limits. Practical limits for safety as well as not landing your ass in jail. Sex with kids? Animals? NO??? Two more hard limits.
Ok, so now I got you thinking about illegal activities and the like. Good. You can probably list out more that are off the table, take a look through any BDSM glossary for what is out there. You can easily say yea or nay to many, many things. Again, hard limits will develop. Check out Fetlife's list, https://fetlife.com/groups/3243, and spend some time going through it. An afternoon to kill? Why not do some reading.
Needles, blood letting, sex with dead people, multiple partners, same sex couplings. You can surely come up with a list of No way, no how, and never going there, that would equate to hard limits. And there might be things you never knew existed that you might want to try out at some point for a soft limit list.
Write them down if you have to..because there are shitloads, but eventually, someone is going to ask you what are your hard limits and soft limits.
Because if you don't know...how am I, as a professional, supposed to give you your fantasy session if you don't have a clue that I'm into queening, and you are claustrophobic? Should be an interesting time indeed.
Do your homework and have your hard limit list, at the very least, ready will you before you want to worship me and do whatever I want to you.
The nice thing about lists...you can change them at any time with more experience and exposure.
(originally published June 16, 2013)