After today's School of Kink class on Creative Disobedience: The Art of Being a Wiseass https://fetlife.com/events/214216, something clicked in my little brain about what was said at the class.
We talked about and tried to clarify the definition of a brat vs a SAM and came up with the following:
A brat is one who pokes until they go over a limit, presses buttons way too much, and when they don't get what THEY want, will go after someone else to do it, and whiiinnee. They lack the communication skills to actually come out and say "I would like play, or need your attention, or I just want a hug...". They will selfishly pout when they ignore someone's requests to discontinue their behaviours, or get told to go away because the time is not right, poke yet again and waste the time of those they target for their wants/desires.
When a brat FINALLY steps over the line and gets their 'punishment' because we all know it's coming, they either know what the top will do (cause most of us are pretty consistent with our behaviour modification techniques) or we will do something different that the brat does not expect and it leaves them disappointed. It certainly won't go as perfect as it was in the brat's mind. So they whine again cause it wasn't exactly the precise-down-to-the-minuscule-detail-of-the-fantasy-punishment-that-made-them-all-warm-and-cozy-for-the-perfect-amount-of-time-they-planned-for punishment. And that's where they go wrong, and then it's all the other person's fault.
After a period of time, this behaviour starts to wear on a Top/Dominant (T/D). Why? Because they are being manipulated in a negative way. The brat disregards the T/D's time, headspace, as well as feelings because of their selfishness. There is a lack of respect for the T/D as well, especially when the T/D has taken the time to stop said behaviour for many reasons. Ignoring the brat is often the best approach for many T/Ds because frankly, they have given up. When that happens, the brat will often find themselves on their ass. Not only the T/D ignores them, others will too because who wants that headache? Brats will eventually burn enough bridges that they seek out other people or even other communities because everyone is so 'mean' to them. In reality, it's not being mean, it means people have had enough and won't accept the behaviour any longer because it tires them both emotionally, mentally and physically.
Which, brought us to the definition of a SAM. Otherwise known as a Smart-Ass Masochists. These submissives have honed their skills of pressing buttons, most often in a light mannered way, where it makes a T/D smile, chuckle or shake their heads in amusement. Their antics are enough to get the attention of the T/D, but in a positive way. As our presenter put it, she takes the time to get to know people first before the SAM comes out in her. When the time is right, she can 'poke the bear' but knows where that 'line' is and won't cross it. She's done her homework, whereas a brat hasn't.
If she, as a SAM, happens to cross a line, she will apologize for her behaviour. Not only will she genuinely apologize, she will make up for it by having her service side come into play. She will offer a foot rub, or a cup of tea if she's irritated me enough about my 'pink hair', and that will appease me. She's cute like that. I will ignore the pink hair barbs as I happily sip the perfect cup of tea (which by the way she still owes me for). When she approaches me next, she will be direct and say, "I am stressed out, would it be possible to flog me until I reach my happy space?", to which I answer, "when?" I will have remembered what she did for me in giving me the tea, the pink hair comments will be ignored (aka tolerated) and she will get the play that she needs/wants. She doesn't whine that she's not getting played, she's not ignored, I still like her...and I will play with her when she asks (politely I might add). She's happy, I'm happy, and it's arranged at a time that is convenient for the both of us because she has learned to be patient. Positive win/win situation.
What makes a SAM (Smart-Assed Masochist) much better than a brat?
Based on our discussion today and my opinion: A brat manipulates in a selfish and negative way to get what they want and gives nothing in return. A SAM manipulates in a good natured way, but will give back to make up for their antics. The brat gets shitty play (or no play) and the SAM gets the perfect play. Around the T/D, a brat causes a negative effect, whereas a SAM causes a more positive effect. The brat eventually disappears and the SAM continues playing...happily.
And people wonder what happens to brats that have been in my life?? At least now you know how I feel about them. And that I won't tolerate them for long...
So yeah, any SAMs out there?
We talked about and tried to clarify the definition of a brat vs a SAM and came up with the following:
A brat is one who pokes until they go over a limit, presses buttons way too much, and when they don't get what THEY want, will go after someone else to do it, and whiiinnee. They lack the communication skills to actually come out and say "I would like play, or need your attention, or I just want a hug...". They will selfishly pout when they ignore someone's requests to discontinue their behaviours, or get told to go away because the time is not right, poke yet again and waste the time of those they target for their wants/desires.
When a brat FINALLY steps over the line and gets their 'punishment' because we all know it's coming, they either know what the top will do (cause most of us are pretty consistent with our behaviour modification techniques) or we will do something different that the brat does not expect and it leaves them disappointed. It certainly won't go as perfect as it was in the brat's mind. So they whine again cause it wasn't exactly the precise-down-to-the-minuscule-detail-of-the-fantasy-punishment-that-made-them-all-warm-and-cozy-for-the-perfect-amount-of-time-they-planned-for punishment. And that's where they go wrong, and then it's all the other person's fault.
After a period of time, this behaviour starts to wear on a Top/Dominant (T/D). Why? Because they are being manipulated in a negative way. The brat disregards the T/D's time, headspace, as well as feelings because of their selfishness. There is a lack of respect for the T/D as well, especially when the T/D has taken the time to stop said behaviour for many reasons. Ignoring the brat is often the best approach for many T/Ds because frankly, they have given up. When that happens, the brat will often find themselves on their ass. Not only the T/D ignores them, others will too because who wants that headache? Brats will eventually burn enough bridges that they seek out other people or even other communities because everyone is so 'mean' to them. In reality, it's not being mean, it means people have had enough and won't accept the behaviour any longer because it tires them both emotionally, mentally and physically.
Which, brought us to the definition of a SAM. Otherwise known as a Smart-Ass Masochists. These submissives have honed their skills of pressing buttons, most often in a light mannered way, where it makes a T/D smile, chuckle or shake their heads in amusement. Their antics are enough to get the attention of the T/D, but in a positive way. As our presenter put it, she takes the time to get to know people first before the SAM comes out in her. When the time is right, she can 'poke the bear' but knows where that 'line' is and won't cross it. She's done her homework, whereas a brat hasn't.
If she, as a SAM, happens to cross a line, she will apologize for her behaviour. Not only will she genuinely apologize, she will make up for it by having her service side come into play. She will offer a foot rub, or a cup of tea if she's irritated me enough about my 'pink hair', and that will appease me. She's cute like that. I will ignore the pink hair barbs as I happily sip the perfect cup of tea (which by the way she still owes me for). When she approaches me next, she will be direct and say, "I am stressed out, would it be possible to flog me until I reach my happy space?", to which I answer, "when?" I will have remembered what she did for me in giving me the tea, the pink hair comments will be ignored (aka tolerated) and she will get the play that she needs/wants. She doesn't whine that she's not getting played, she's not ignored, I still like her...and I will play with her when she asks (politely I might add). She's happy, I'm happy, and it's arranged at a time that is convenient for the both of us because she has learned to be patient. Positive win/win situation.
What makes a SAM (Smart-Assed Masochist) much better than a brat?
Based on our discussion today and my opinion: A brat manipulates in a selfish and negative way to get what they want and gives nothing in return. A SAM manipulates in a good natured way, but will give back to make up for their antics. The brat gets shitty play (or no play) and the SAM gets the perfect play. Around the T/D, a brat causes a negative effect, whereas a SAM causes a more positive effect. The brat eventually disappears and the SAM continues playing...happily.
And people wonder what happens to brats that have been in my life?? At least now you know how I feel about them. And that I won't tolerate them for long...
So yeah, any SAMs out there?
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