Yup, this is a rant....
One of the core elements of BDSM is supposed to be trust. Trust that a top will know what they are doing and not harm a bottom. Trust that a Dom/me will protect their submissive, and the submissive to make a Dom/me's life easier. The need are met by both dominant and submissive, the relationship is helpful and beneficial to and with each other and both sides respect the other.
That core is severly compromised on a daily basis. With new people coming into the scene on a daily basis, out of curiousity or need, they no longer invest the time to educate themselves, on fetishes or techniques. They just pick up a flogger and start tossing it around haphazardly, not knowing several things.
What are they, you ask? Well,for real time one-on-one play, safety and technique are always key points. Do they even know first aid in the event that knife slipped and cut a vein? Do they even know what a vein or nerve are, never mind where on the body the major ones are located. There's so much more that they just don't care to learn or understand.
And oh, they saw a really cool picture of a rope suspension and they want to recreate it. Nevermind, that the rigger has been doing it for 20 years, and for that 'cool picture' there were five other people involved as a safety net in case something happened to the rope bottom prior to planning it all out.
They are quick to jump the gun, forgo any training and education and just jump in blindly. And that is where the dangers start.
Predators and abusers abound. Not having any luck on dating sites, they expand out to fetish sites, hoping to get laid..yet trying to be indirect about it by saying they are Dom/me or Master/Mistresses. Then there is just the weird ones. They will stalk you, rape you, tie you up and forget about you because they were rejected elsewhere. Yeah, we all have plenty of warnings about all of 'those' types.
We read about lack of trust constantly. How to spot a bad dom/me, how to get rid of a pesky sub that's completely bonkers. Books and ezines and blogs are written daily on how to avoid XX.
Even in the online world of Findom, the warnings are constantly there. Timewaster tweets are constant on my feed, as well as those nasty subs that rescind on tributes in various ways. And of Dommes who screw over subs by blackmailing them and ruining a sub's real life in one way, shape or form. Don't give personal information out, period, from either side, because they will come after you.
Uneducated women who come into the Findom scene only seeing $$ signs and thinking it's an easy way to pay her bills are the scourge of the earth, not to mention strippers, those that offer sexual whatever cam sessions or real-time sessions in addition to financial domination. Cam girls and sex workers are rejected from doing the exact same thing that findom does, only has expanded her business out and are only multi-tasking.
The mistrust is even there for lifestyle, prodoms and findoms. Some don't understand why subs/slaves have to pay for something they can get for free. And the male/female dom/me can't even trust one another when money comes into play. Female dominants are looked down upon by their counterparts because of money. Yeah, females get smacked around pretty hard when money is involved..and I'm not talking physically smacked. We're all whores anyways right? (note....this IS sarcasm, fyi). Cause sex should always be free. um....ew? (We'll save that debate for someone else to bitch about.) Let's keep on topic...trust.
Right, got it.
So when does the trust begin? Or do we just forgo the trust thing, and keep screwing everyone over. Perhaps the new thing is to be paranoid wrecks.
The newbies that don't know any differently due to a lack of understanding about a fetish. Those that have tenure and are now frustrated with the crap that they are now dealing with because of what is commonly referred to as insta-dom/mes. Old meets new, and the new are mistrusted automatically and not given a chance to perhaps learn from the old.
All I see is constant clashes. Dom/mes don't trust subs. Subs don't trust Dom/mes. And, it's even gotten bad enough that Dom/mes don't trust other Dom/mes and are now outing them as 'not real' or a danger because they do things differently. Yup, I get caught up in that...and it's fucking exhausting.
It all just makes my head spin, and most days I'm not really feeling all that great about those in the kink world. I tend to keep to myself because of it, working on 'my world', and ignoring the rest.
So yeah, trust in BDSM is bullshit....more like mistrust everyone, and we're all good to go. Cause we're gonna get screwed over anyways.
Someone pass me an Ativan or ten. I need to prepare for the 20 lashes.
One of the core elements of BDSM is supposed to be trust. Trust that a top will know what they are doing and not harm a bottom. Trust that a Dom/me will protect their submissive, and the submissive to make a Dom/me's life easier. The need are met by both dominant and submissive, the relationship is helpful and beneficial to and with each other and both sides respect the other.
That core is severly compromised on a daily basis. With new people coming into the scene on a daily basis, out of curiousity or need, they no longer invest the time to educate themselves, on fetishes or techniques. They just pick up a flogger and start tossing it around haphazardly, not knowing several things.
What are they, you ask? Well,for real time one-on-one play, safety and technique are always key points. Do they even know first aid in the event that knife slipped and cut a vein? Do they even know what a vein or nerve are, never mind where on the body the major ones are located. There's so much more that they just don't care to learn or understand.
And oh, they saw a really cool picture of a rope suspension and they want to recreate it. Nevermind, that the rigger has been doing it for 20 years, and for that 'cool picture' there were five other people involved as a safety net in case something happened to the rope bottom prior to planning it all out.
They are quick to jump the gun, forgo any training and education and just jump in blindly. And that is where the dangers start.
Predators and abusers abound. Not having any luck on dating sites, they expand out to fetish sites, hoping to get laid..yet trying to be indirect about it by saying they are Dom/me or Master/Mistresses. Then there is just the weird ones. They will stalk you, rape you, tie you up and forget about you because they were rejected elsewhere. Yeah, we all have plenty of warnings about all of 'those' types.
We read about lack of trust constantly. How to spot a bad dom/me, how to get rid of a pesky sub that's completely bonkers. Books and ezines and blogs are written daily on how to avoid XX.
Even in the online world of Findom, the warnings are constantly there. Timewaster tweets are constant on my feed, as well as those nasty subs that rescind on tributes in various ways. And of Dommes who screw over subs by blackmailing them and ruining a sub's real life in one way, shape or form. Don't give personal information out, period, from either side, because they will come after you.
Uneducated women who come into the Findom scene only seeing $$ signs and thinking it's an easy way to pay her bills are the scourge of the earth, not to mention strippers, those that offer sexual whatever cam sessions or real-time sessions in addition to financial domination. Cam girls and sex workers are rejected from doing the exact same thing that findom does, only has expanded her business out and are only multi-tasking.
The mistrust is even there for lifestyle, prodoms and findoms. Some don't understand why subs/slaves have to pay for something they can get for free. And the male/female dom/me can't even trust one another when money comes into play. Female dominants are looked down upon by their counterparts because of money. Yeah, females get smacked around pretty hard when money is involved..and I'm not talking physically smacked. We're all whores anyways right? (note....this IS sarcasm, fyi). Cause sex should always be free. um....ew? (We'll save that debate for someone else to bitch about.) Let's keep on topic...trust.
Right, got it.
So when does the trust begin? Or do we just forgo the trust thing, and keep screwing everyone over. Perhaps the new thing is to be paranoid wrecks.
The newbies that don't know any differently due to a lack of understanding about a fetish. Those that have tenure and are now frustrated with the crap that they are now dealing with because of what is commonly referred to as insta-dom/mes. Old meets new, and the new are mistrusted automatically and not given a chance to perhaps learn from the old.
All I see is constant clashes. Dom/mes don't trust subs. Subs don't trust Dom/mes. And, it's even gotten bad enough that Dom/mes don't trust other Dom/mes and are now outing them as 'not real' or a danger because they do things differently. Yup, I get caught up in that...and it's fucking exhausting.
It all just makes my head spin, and most days I'm not really feeling all that great about those in the kink world. I tend to keep to myself because of it, working on 'my world', and ignoring the rest.
So yeah, trust in BDSM is bullshit....more like mistrust everyone, and we're all good to go. Cause we're gonna get screwed over anyways.
Someone pass me an Ativan or ten. I need to prepare for the 20 lashes.
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